The Vital Importance of Frequently Saying I LOVE YOU ❤️ to Your Children
When I recall my childhood, the words “I love you” were simply never used. Never said. Never heard. Why? Maybe because it was a different time, different generation, different culture, or maybe it was just too hard for my family to say these simple words out loud to each other let alone to us kids.
I certainly felt love and care from my parents so don't get me wrong, but I guess it was an "unstated" type of love that was status quo during that generation. lol. The older I got and understood more about myself, people, the world and overall life I definitely realized that this lack of verbal expression of I love you was quite impactful compared to people I knew who heard this phrase during their child hoods abundantly.
Now that I think about it, my parents never really showed much affection to each other. So I guess I love you wouldn't really fit in that dynamic. But again, another time, another generation, a different culture, etc.
Why is a Deficit of Expressed Love During Childhood Has Such an Unnoticeable Negative Effect Later in Life?
Why? Because the more you see something the more you hear something, the more you do something, the more you read about or see something the more normal those things become. So if as a child you do NOT see nor hear I love you being said and expressed to you and also said between your parents out loud, that lack and "love silence" becomes the norm while hearing it becomes abnormal.
That is probably one reason I see why some people feel uncomfortable with expressing love, affection, emotion and just aren't very warm. They don't know how to engage in such a open way because its abnormal. They have less practice interacting with I love you.
Its like people who do NOT train Jiu Jitsu, just don't know how to do it, unless they do it or have done it. Simple. Same with I love you. (You like how I tied Jiu Jitsu into this? lol)
To some, Jiu Jitsu is very abnormal. It was for me before I started and fell "in love" with it instantly. It quickly became a huge part of my life and after a few years it simply became the norm. So is saying I love you and expressing it in various creative forms to my daughters and between my wife and I is also the norm for our family.
I Made Myself a Promise in Early Adulthood
I always promised myself that I would only become a Dad when I felt ready and with the right person with whom I shared immense love. My girls would be born as a result of true love between their parents, and after they would be born their mother and I would bathe our children in endless PURE LOVE AND AFFECTION 😍 they would not only feel, but would also hear frequently spoken out loud as the norm.
I have always consciously said I love you to each other so our daughters can hear it since they were babies. We have always shown the right amount of affection to each other in front of them so that they see and feel it, and just made this a our life for our daughters.
Without over doing it of course, my girls would hear me say it to them, to their mom, to our dogs, relatives, friends etc. so these three simple yet complexly difficult words turned into an integral part of their lives.
A Wise Man Once Said
A wise man said once that “The most important thing a father can do for his children is the LOVE & ADORE ❤️ their mother”. I take this phrase even further by making sure my daughters hear their dad say I love you. All the time.
For many men it is difficult to say I love you out loud. And this I totally understand. I was actually there myself and do not remember ever saying I love you to my parents sadly because they never really said it to me so I did not know any better.
I truly believe that when our children hear these words they simply become a part of their lives, whereby they will always feel free to say these words back to us when they feel they want to, also to each other as loving sisters, and to their own family and children when that blessed time comes.
Now That Our Daughters are 5 and 9, Did My Approach Have the Desired Effect?
Today, my wife and I randomly hear I love you said to us by both of our amazing girls in such incredibly creative ways its just priceless. Sometimes they say these words in passing, but oftentimes they say I love you with this deep sincere meaning that we feel accompanied by kisses, heartfelt hugs and endearing gestures.
I honestly feel you have to experience moments like these ONLY in the "Moment of Now" and NOT thinking of the future nor past, IS what life is truly all about.
How priceless are those moments? Immeasurably priceless and natural because our girls say these words from their hearts, from what they are feeling inside at the moment and want to express without any hesitation or feeling of restriction from their parents and also because they know that it’s actions like these which make us feel very very loved by our girls.
Life is Short, Don't Create Regret
Life is truly short when we look back at how fast time has flown by for us to be here at this moment you are reading this no matter what age you are on this day. Sadly, time flies only faster and faster so the only way to slow it down is to be in the present moment, vs fearing, worrying or speculating about the future which is not real, nor worrying, regretting, and letting the past torture you. The moment of NOW is the ONLY THING THAT IS REAL. Think about it.
A wise man once said: "Live Life Today As If You Are Looking Back From Tomorrow So That Today's Choices Will Eliminate All Future Regret"...
So remember, there is no better way to slow down time, and be in the moment of now, than by expressing these three magical words to your children on a frequent basis:
I LOVE YOU 💕❤️😘 💕
It really is as simple as that.
(Disclaimer - Everything I wrote above, is my personal opinion and simply me sharing a part of my life with those who care to read about it and maybe somehow benefit from my jibber jabber. lol - I have zero scientific evidence other than my girls. When you meet them, you will see what I am talking about).
Thank you for taking the time to read this article.
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Article Written by: Greg Hamilton, Machado Black Belt & Head Instructor of Kids and Adults Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
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